Ummm, blah.

Today's kinda been...ugh. I was so tired this morning that I almost fell asleep in my CST class; I kept closing my eyes and lowering my head. It was so hard to pay attention. Today's kind of a depressing day, both the weather and me. Well, I keep feeling really sad one minute, then ok or happy the next. Now I'm at the sad part :\ Anyways, I better not get too attached to liking my English professor... I don't want to like him too much, but I just can't help it!! He seems really...sweet..?? kekekeke XD Well, I don't wanna talk about him too much right now :| Ok, since I'm bored, it's survey time!! :D

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now?
If you mean they died, then yeah, I'd say so. Also someone who is alive... :\ Need to move on from that...

What are you doing right now?
Sitting on my bed, thinking about people and relationships sorta

What do you do when you're having a bad day?
Listen to music, draw, throw a few things around(in my room keke)

Where is your biological mother right now?
Here, sleeping in her room.

Is there anyone who you want to come see you right now?
Yeah, lots of people :D

Have you ever thrown your iPod in anger?
Yeah, I threw mine today, actually.

When was the last time you cried really hard?
Not in awhile. I feel one coming up... :[

Have you ever gotten body painted?
Uh, no

What was the last thing that scared you?
When I had that extreme stomach cramp/ throwing up episode a few days ago...

Why did you last cry?
Because I'm sick of thinking about this person and I want to move on, but I can't. I don't want to see him with someone else, when it could be me. Lame, I know... XD

What are you wearing on your feet?
They're in the nuddy pants right now!! :D

Let's test your memory, what were you doing at this moment a year ago?
Probably doing the same thing.

Who did you last call sexy?
Nobody.

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex?
aklsaklds :[

Do you smoke weed everyday?
No, I've never smoked weed...

Do you always answer your phone?
No.

When was the last time you went to the circus?
I don't think I've ever been to the circus

Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
Yeah, a lot ;_;

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Fall!!

Do you like the snow?
I like it for a little bit, then I'm sick of it. I hate driving in the snow. It scares me!!

What is bothering you right now?
People and stuff like that

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
x3

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Nope

Are you happy?
I have my ups and downs.

Who was the last person to call you?
My mom

Do you have a favorite number?
Ummm... I've always liked 3 and 10, I guess. Especially 10. I don't know why...

Are you multi-tasking right now?
Nooo

Who is the last person you got a text from?
My sister, I think.

Does anything on your body hurt?
Every part of me is somewhat achy. My wrist from not moving it often, my bummoley, my back sorta, my legs from having them stretched out on my bed, and my right shoulder from carrying my bookbag all day.

Is there anything on your walls?
Posters of Super Junior, DBSK, and Vampire Knight. Domo-kun calendar!! :D

Are you wearing a hoodie? If so, what color?
Actually, I am!! It's a grey hoodie..

What's on your mind?
a lot of things

Do you miss anyone?
I try not to think about it.

Who haven't you seen in forever?
slfkaslfskldm :\

Did you have a dream last night?
I did, but I don't remember what it was. I had another dream today and my mom was in there and she kept annoying me when I was on a date or something like that.

What is the most irritating thing?
Nobody listening to me.

Where's your phone right now?
on my bed

How are you feeling?
Tired

Are you a patient person?
I think I am, sometimes I'm not though.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Gum.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
My parents...:]

Do you get along with guys?
For the most part, yeah. I don't talk to them a whole lot, but when I do, I think it's pretty easy to talk to them.

Are there any bruises on your body?
My knee.

Who was the last person to seriously let you down?
Yudi.

Do you ever listen to country music?
very rarely

This time last year were you single?
Yes

Where was the last place you bought something?
At school, buying lunch.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
I don't think I really liked anybody.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
Mutti!!

You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
water

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
No, not really.

When's the last time you talked with the opposite sex on the phone?
Does my dad count...??

Do you think you are a good person?
No, I'm trying harder now.

Do you usually have weird dreams?
Oh yes, I do.

Does anyone hate you for no reason?
Probably. I've had it happen before when I danced competitively...

How many hours of sleep did you get yesterday?
I'm not sure.. Not enough.

Do you think you would make a good parent?
I hope so :]

Are you an argumentative person?
OH YES. I argue all the time with my family. They're more like debate type arguments more so than, "I hate you" or something like that...

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe or baby?
Maybe when I was at a club, I don't remember, nor do I want to remember.

Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
No, I wear all my clothes. Nobody I know has a similar size as me(I'm not huge, it's just my friends are either too skinny or too fat)

Is there someone you can talk to about anything?
*shrugs*

Who's in your profile picture with you?
a silent film star :]

Is love really worth fighting for?
I like to believe that, but I don't know if it's entirely true.

Is there someone you will always be attracted to?
Most likely. That's why I want to get over this one guy.

When was the last time a person of the opposite sex hugged you ?
My dad yesterday :|...:]

Whats the biggest promise someone broke with you?
None that I can think of.

Do you have an attitude?
Yeah, but I'm trying to change that.

How many kids do you want to have?
2

What song are you listening to ?
None right now, but I was listening to Epik High's song, One.

What does the song you're listening to remind you of?
Whenever I'm feeling down, I know I can make it through. The song itself is basically about wanting to commit suicide and getting through it, knowing that there's someone out there who does care for you no matter what.

Did you lie on any of these questions so far?
No.

If you married the last person that texted you what would your kids be like?
Uh, I don't want to think about that!! DDDDX

Do you know anyone named Matt?
Yeah, a few.

What smiley face do you use often?
:D XD :3 D: DX :] :[ ;_; :| :\ x3 8D Yeah, I love using smilies!! :D

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough?
YES 8D

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
Yeah, but I don't consider any of my friends a best friend.

Who is your celebrity crush?
EUNHYUK!!!! Almost all of Suju, Daniel Henney, Anthony Padilla(ok, not a *real* celeb, but he is on Youtube!!), DANIEL RADCLIFFE!!

Do you take walks often?
Only at school when I'm walking back and forth to classes. I don't really take walks out in my neighborhood as much because supposedly there's a sex offender that lives near me DX

Is good grammar attractive?
Uh, yeah.

Are any of your friends taller than you?
Yeah...

Do you crack your knuckles?
too much

Spell your name without an L:
KOTENAY!! My name doesn't have any L's in it.

Who's the last person you talked to on the phone for over an hour?
Yudi, two years ago. I hate talking on the phone.

Did you copy and paste this survey?
Mmhmm...

How do most people spell your name?
KOTENAY!!

Do you know any people who have messed up your life?
Yeah, I guess.

Does anyone know your password besides you?
I HOPE NOT DDDD:

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy?
I don't think I have.

If you had the chance to travel back in time, would you?
Yes, I would.

Are you single for the summer?
Yeah, but now it's fall. So, hopefully not for fall...?? x3

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone?
My dog, Chichi XD

Where do you wanna live when you get older?
South Korea or Japan. Maybe even Germany...

Could you date someone three years older than you ?
YES :3 *looks at Eng. teacher* AHEM!!

Do you get annoyed when you see someone you don't like?
YES.

Yay surveys!! I've got nothing else to talk about. Kbai.

More Suju goodness :DDDD

Ahh, I love Suju M's new song and I finally found a dl link!! *dances around like crazy* So, I found this old Suju survey I did on my LJ, here it is(I modified it a lot XD):

Suju meme, oh yeah!!
1.fav member : EUNHYUK, EUNHYUK, EUNHYUK, and EUNHYUK 8D

2. (BE HONEST) yes or no: i memorized all thirteen members' names : Of course I have!! Almost all Suju fans(should) know their names XD

3. Only 13 or iLOVEhenry&zhoumi: I'm still all about only 13. I <3 Henry and Zhou Mi, but I don't get why they're in SJM if their not in the original group. SM Entertainment's weird.

4. how many pictures do you have of suju (you dont have to be exact):over 2000(not including my animated gifs folder hehe)NO JOKE XDDDD

5. have you ever switched favorite members?(be specific who):Yes. Kibum, Heechul, then Eunhyuk

6. cutest member: Eunhyuk, Sungmin, Donghae. Well, Sungmin's more, "d'aww he's so adorable!!" while Eunhyuk and Donghae are more cute like little kid cute.

7 hottest member: hmmm, Siwon, Donghae, HANKYUNG, and Kyuhyun.

(for eight they all need to be different and i know its hard but only one)
8a.member you would like to marry: right now it's Eunhyuk :] Maybe Siwon because he's very handsome kekeke...or maybe Hankyung because he's so sweet and just seems like such a nice guy. I liked him even more after the Super Girl video X3

8b. member you would like to date: Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, Hankyung...Oh man...

8c. member you would like as a best friend: Shindong because he's a goof and I like guys who like to be goofy and funny a lot.

8d.member you would like as a pet&what animal: Umm... Sungmin. He seems like he'd be a friendly and adorable pet. I'd pet him all the time lol OH SNAP!!

9.prettiest member: I think it's Ryeowook. He looks very feminine and always looks very clean and dresses nice

10.best singer: Kyuhyun. HANDS DOWN.

numbers11~17 new by kehleejay
11.member you think deserves more love than they get: YESUNG. For god's sake, give Yesung some love!! He's one of the best singers in the group and can be really cute, the guy deserves more credit!! I always feel bad for him because he always tries to draw attention to himself, but it almost always fails!! Poor Yesung :[ kekeke

12.member you think is most like yourself: Umm, I'd say Eunhyuk...or Shindong(minus the weight)

13.member you find yourself jealous of all the time and why: Kyuhyun because of his voice.

14.best dressed member:ummm... Hankyung, Siwon, Ryeowook, and Leeteuk. Eunhyuk used to be on this list, now he wears those weird 80's like clothes. Like with the tight brightly colored or weird patterned jeans and stuff like that... Boo :\

15.funniest member: Uhhh, they all have their funny moments hehehe :3

16.weirdest couple(between the members): Anything that involves Shindong... Any ship that involves members that aren't really close to eachother(i.e: Kibum and Kangin)

17.OTP(between the members): Eunhae, Eunmin, Yewook, Eunteuk, Kangmin, Dongwon, Hankwon. Yeah that's not really OTP, but yeah... XD

Yesterday

Oh my god, so yesterday, "you know" started and I felt terrible. My stomach felt like it was twisting up in knots, so I took some Midol. Only one though, because that stuff is strong. I then ate some Fritos and some spicy cheesy dip that my dad makes a lot so that way I could eat some food and the Midol wouldn't bug me as much. FALSE(lol Dwight from the Office...). I felt even worse. It felt like someone was just standing on my stomach and inner thighs and jumping up and down. It was terrible. I would feel alright for one minute, then extreme pain the next. I was also freaking out because a friend on CR told me a fellow Suju fan died from stomach cancer and my dad was mentioning the swine flu when I said I was feeling sick and nauseous. Soon, the caffeine from the Midol stated to kick in. I do NOT do well with caffeine because it makes me shake like crazy and my whole body just goes nuts D: So with the initial cramps I had, plus the cramps Midol gave me for not eating enough food, and the caffeine all mixed in one was just TOO much. It felt like I was having a panic attack and I was so nauseous.

I kept feeling like I was going to throw up, so I would sit in the bathroom and wait. Nothing would happen except that I would hiccup a lot. Soon after that, my body got into a cold sweat and I was hot and cold at the same time. It was so hot that I wanted to take my clothes off, but I was so cold that I wanted to put more on. My mom kept telling me to relax and find something to eat. I couldn't do either of them so the first thing that popped into my head was that I wanted my dad to make me some oatmeal(the way he makes it is very good and always makes me feel better).

So after awhile, he finally got started on making the oatmeal and I was still in pain. I kept tossing and turning on the sofa; my body was sweating like crazy, but I was extremely cold. I stood up and walked in the kitchen and got some water. After I drank a few sips of water, I suddenly felt really nauseous. I walked to the bathroom and tried to throw up. First, nothing came out, as usual, just some hiccups and then I just kinda tried to gag myself(with out putting my fingers or something else in my mouth. Hard for me to explain...)and eventually, a little bit came out. I felt just a teensy, tiny bit better and I walked back to the kitchen. My dad finished making the oatmeal and set it out on the table. I ate like, one or two bites. I couldn't make it go down my throat. I decided to drink some more water so that I could maybe throw up some more and then I would hopefully feel better. It worked because I then had to go to the bathroom and throw up again. Then, I told my mom what happened again and she asked if I was ok or something like that. I mumbled something and then ran back to the bathroom. This time, a lot came out. Ok, that's totally nasty, but still...

After that, I felt a little bit better and I sat down and tried to eat the oatmeal again. I still couldn't eat it and told my dad that I couldn't. I felt bad for not eating it, but I imagine that he understood that I wasn't feeling well. He then made me some Jello. I hate Jello, but I wanted to eat something. So anyways, I eventually started feeling much better, but I was still uber dizzy whenever I would stand up or move my head. It was very scary and I'm so thankful that I didn't feel that way today :] My stomach feels a little gurgley and slight cramps, but nothing like yesterday at all.

OHHHHH MYYYY GOOODNESSSS!!!!

SUJU M HAS MADE A COMEBACK!! OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! *sigh* They're new song is super catchy and Hankyung looks sooo cute in this video, I love his nerd look :DDDD I really don't like the fact that they put Jessica from SNSD in the video, only to enhance her shallowness(she turns down Hankyung because he looks dorky and so he changes his look and then, and only then she wants to be with him. TWU WUB!! *gag*) Ok, I guess you could tell that I don't like SNSD, particularly Jessica or Tiffany. Well, as long as they didn't use Tiffany in the video, I guess it's ok XD Yeah, I'm a total Suju fangirl, what can I say?? I love the fact that the say "shyupah" kekekeke x3


So I can watch it whenever I'm on here :DDDD

It's 6 in the flippin' morning. No sleep. First day of school today.

WLEMWLAMALFMDLSFMDSLGMDSGJ!!! Why did I decide to pull an all nighter?!!? OMG I'm so tired, but now it's too late to fall asleep because I have to wake up in less than 45 minutes to get ready for school DDDD: I'm not one who needs just a simple power nap and I'll be good to go. Oh no, I need a full 8+ hours of sleep in order to not feel extremely tired or cranky when I wake up. I don't want to go out of my room because I don't want my parents to know I pulled an all nighter... Oh man, I can't wait to get home from school and fall asleep!! Good thing that it's only the first day of classes, because I would be even more screwed if we really had to focus on lectures or tests... LSDKLSMDLSWDOEFL!!!

Buuuut, my birtday's coming up soon!! I can't wait!! I'm only gonna be 21, but I already feel old... I never really did anything in my life that was meaningful, minus Irish dance. That was pretty much the only thing I ever really did that was interesting. I never participated in any extra curricular activities at school, participate in talent shows, except when I was like, in the 2nd grade. It was the stupidest thing ever. I don't know why I even agreed to dance the macarena to a friggin' BEATLES SONG DDDD: Anyways, I never was in any clubs or went to school dances(in high school, but I did go to 2 at St. Lukes, those don't really count...), I never did anything to stand out and really be myself, I only did things that would make me blend in with others(for the most part). I don't have a job right now and my academic career dropped like a lead balloon... I don't even know what I want to do in the future now. I've been wanting to teach ESL, but I'm not sure if I still want to do that. I just wanted to teach ESL so I could go to Japan or even Korea kekekke XDD I just want to do something different for a change, do something meaningful, but I'm always too afraid of people judging me... Bad thoughts, but I can't help them... :[

Ahh, listening to Super Junior always makes me feel better :] Blargh, I blame Yudi for introducing me to them. Ever since then, I've been obsessed with them!! D: kekekeke :3 More about them later... :O

I'm pretty nervous about my German class, I don't really remember a whole lot from this past year... I'm screwed DX I hope that my other classes go well and that I have decent professors. I also have a new professor for German(I had my other for 2 quarters), so I hope she's nice. I doubt that she'd be as awesome as my other prof. but I just don't want a bitchy teacher... lbgdsfladsflds Whatever...

6:26 right now.... UGH. No more all nighters unless I'm 100% NOT tired. I can't wait to get something to eat, I'm so hungry.

Some dollie pics :D

Ok, long time no update. I feel too lazy to post pics on here. Mostly because my camera makes the pictures ginormous and I hate having to resize them all the time D: I'll just post the pics anyways, I guess :3


A close up of her face :D



Noel with the extra eyes and hair Dollmore gave me as a free gift!! Ignore the messy dresser and the Suju M poster XD



Here she is with my dog, Chi Chi. Chi Chi was(and still is) very scared of her XDDD

Time to talk about my dollie!! :D Part 2

Unfortunately, I had to get a Paypal account, which I didn't have and had no clue what to do. So then I had to make an online bank account in order to make the Paypal account work. Well, I didn't know my account number so after long hours of searching, I found it. I then did all the doohickeys I was supposed to do and final paid for my order. That took about a day or two, which was agonizing because I wanted to pay for her as soon as possible!!

I then had to wait a few weeks when finally they shipped her out. I looked on the tracking every single day and almost every single hour. It took about 2 days for her to be shipped out to the air port in Korea, then about 3 days for her to come to the US, and about a day or so to get to my house. At first, I was really mad because I figured that she would come Monday instead of Friday or Saturday(I thought they would've came by then). But suddenly on Sunday(YES, Sunday!!), a mail truck came and my mom shouted for me and told me the mail man's here. I ran downstairs and saw my dad outside with the mailman and he gave him the package. My doll was here!! I opened the garage door and took my doll from my dad and ran back inside. I set the box on the dining table and I was shaking like crazy!!

Opening everything was very tedious, but worth it because Chami was sooo lovely!! She came with the wig and eyes I requested already on her and some undies. I then put her outfit on her and she looked so cute!! It was hard to handle her at first(and still is) because I felt so clumsy holding her.

At first, my mom called her Saoirse even before I got her, but I didn't really like that name for her so I spent the next few days coming up with a name. I looked at some baby naming sites and tried to find a good name. I then came to the conclusion that I wanted her to have a French sounding name and I really liked the name Noel for her. My sister had a book of French baby names where I found "Elodie." I liked that name as well for her so she's now "Elodie Noel" but I just call her Noel... sometimes Elodie...sometimes both XDD

Anyways, she's just beautiful looking and I love taking pictures of her, especially her face(mostly because I'm not good at coming up with unique poses). I hope to get a few more in the future, but that's if I actually get a JOB!! Not have to resort to....ugh, I don't wanna think about it. I'm gonna have to pay all that back in the not too distant future DDD: Well, I'm happy with her presently, so that's all that matters :3

Pics next post X3

Time to talk about my dollie!! :D Part 1

Well, I haven't done this on my LJ yet, so I figured I'd do it here... To anyone who ever reads this(....anybody??? *sniffle*) Aw, I don't care. Maybe for my future self...?? Ok, so anywho, I need to talk about my lurrrvely BJD.

I've always wanted an ABJD(Asian ball-jointed doll) ever since I saw one on this one girl's website where she made pixel dolls. Ah, I remember those days when that was really big. Ok so anyways, she made some of her base dolls look like Dollfies. I was curious about them so I looked them up online and I instantly fell in love. These dolls were so awesome!! You could actually customize them yourself into pretty much anything you wanted!! You can change their hair, eyes, make-up, paint their nails, give them tattoos, give them piercings, anything!! I wanted one so badly, but they're ridiculously expensive.
So after years of losing interest, then gaining interest in them, over and over again, I told my mom about them. I showed her a website called Dollmore(where I got mine!! :3), and she really liked them too. She asked me all sorts of questions about them and we looked at all sorts of different dolls. So then, I thought it would be a perfect oppurtunity to convince my mom to let me buy one. At first, it didn't work out. She would just smile and nod whenever I mentioned them. After school ended for summer, I told my mom again that I wanted one. She then asked how much they costed and I told her. She said, "Oh, well that's not as bad as I thought," and then told me that I should buy one. I was like, "WHHHAAAT!!?" buuut thinking that of course kekekkeke XD I was afraid to buy her because the only way of paying for her was...oh I don't wanna say it(it's not like THAT sickos!!).
In early July, my mom and dad went to northern OH to visit boring geneology stuff for her birthday when I decided that I was gonna buy a doll!! My mom called for...something...I can't remember, but anyways, before she hung up, I said, "Mom?? I was wondering if I could get a doll..."
*long pause* "Ok, but you do need to think about what you're gonna get. You can't get too much because you don't have enough money...blah blah blah" After many "I know's" and "ok's" I jumped for joy and started to decide on what doll I was going to get. It took forever because I couldn't decide what doll I wanted. So about 10 something at night(my mom called around 2 in the afternoon LOL), I finally decided which doll I wanted: a Youth Dollmore Eve named Chami. So I ordered her and after much decision making, I bought an outfit for her(a cheaper one that only costed...$16 I think.), chose the eyes and hair I wanted her to come in, and sent the order!!

Food mostly XD

OHHHH MY GOODNESS THIS WEATHER IS SOOOOOOO GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDD "NICE WEATHER!!"- Eunhyuk, my lurrve lmao :3 Oooo, this weather is soo nice, I have to listen to happy music and dance around :D

Ok, so I made the curry that I bought a few days ago and it schmeckt gut(random German FTW!!) The only problem was that I think I cooked the potatoes too long and it left a lot of starchy residue on the rest of the curry, making the texture not really smoothe like I had the last time. I don't know for sure if it was just the curry brand, or if it really was the potatoes, but for now I'm going with the latter. The brand I used was Golden Curry. It wasn't nearly as good as the other brand I had... I can't remember the name, but it started with a "K"... Anyways, the flavor wasn't as strong, which is good for those who aren't used to the curry taste, like everyone in my family. Buuuut, they're all afraid to try it. They never wanna try anything new and different :[ Sehr lecker curry pics:

Just as it finished cooking, ready for me to eat!!



Mmm tasty!! :D
It looked better than the pics, trust me!!

I've been making yachaejeon(Korean vegetable pancake) a lot lately. Mostly it's because I already have the ingredients ready and I'm always trying to perfect my cooking of it. It almost always turns out wrong D: Since my pan is too small, I always stupidly add the whole batter instead of making two, so the middle always turns out to doughy and soft, when it's supposed to be crispy. Oh, and a couple of days ago, I had the most ultimate fail: I guess I must've put too much green onions in the batter, so I poured the whole thing in the pan and when I tried to flip it, it all came apart!! Every single time I tried to flip the stupid thing, it just kept falling apart. Ugh, it was so fail, but it still tasted lecker!! LOL Random German FTW!!! XDDD
Here are some pics of the yachaejeon I made:

This one turned out way too burnt and I forgot to add the salt, so I tried to add some on top. It didn't work. FAIL D: The best part is that it was very crispy, like how I think it should be.

OM NOM NOM NOM!!
It wasn't as cooked as I wanted it to be, mostly in the middle, but the edges were crispy und das schmeckt gut(I probably used the wrong form of das, but I don't care)!!

I'm pretty excited because I don't start school until next Wednesday. At first, I thought the 8th was on a Monday, then I realized that it was on Tuesday. Then today, I told my mom that school started on Tuesday and she was like, "Well, you don't have to starte until Wednesday, remember?? You only have classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday." YESS!!! I was soo happy, I can't believe I forgot that(well, actually I can XP) So, yay!! No school until Wednesday!! :DDD Ugh, I have to study hard on my German, I forgot so much it seems like D: